The interweb of things has been in the news for the wrong reasons again this month after Canadian sex toy manufacturer Standard Innovation was handed a $3.75m compensation bill after one of its smart devices was found to be tracking customers' usage habits.
The We-Vibe vibrator and its accompanying app were found to be collecting information on when owners were using the device, as well as which settings they preferred - and even the temperature of their nether regions. (Or wherever they saw fit to apply the toy.)
Even more worryingly, a number of security flaws were found in the app which could have allowed someone to hack and remotely control the pulsating plaything. After agreeing a settlement in an Illinois federal court, affected users can claim up to $10,000 in compensation.
On top of which, the market for this kind of smart device is sure to take a severe reputational hit. I knew I should never have let our Gordon convince me to sign a partnership with that WiFi-enabled codpiece vendor...
I've sat through enough channel conference presentations over the years to know that modern technology can do some pretty amazing things.
IT, analytics, and robotics are at the forefront of elemental changes in the way in which humanity interacts with one another and the world around us. Technology could just as much solve all the globe's problems in an instant, as it could destroy the Earth and everything on it, at a stroke.
But, in other news: computers and stuff can also be used to make sure Joe Public doesn't take too much bog roll from the khazis in the local park.
The Temple of Heaven park in Beijing previously had problems with people taking advantage of the free toilet paper on offer. This has been countered by the installation of facial recognition software-equipped machines which, after a quick scan of a user's visage, will dispense about 60cm to 70cm of tissue. After which the system will prevent visitors obtaining more for nine minutes.
But a park spokesman assured local newspaper Beijing Wanbao that, for "guests who have diarrhoea or any other situation in which they urgently require toilet paper", employees will be at hand to help.
A bit too close at hand, from the sound of it. He explained: "Staff on the ground will directly provide the toilet paper."
The last couple of years have seen robots developed in the fields of surgery, policing and firefighting. So it was only a matter of time before those roboboffins got to the really important jobs - such as making a decent burger.
Newly installed at the CaliBurger fast-food chain in California, Flippy the robot has reportedly mastered the art of cooking the perfect patty, and has replaced human chefs at the restaurant's grills. The little chap can even flip the finished article onto the bun - but leaves the job of applying condiments and salad to a fleshy subordinate.
Flippy was developed by Miso Robotics, and chief executive David Zito claimed that, although the robot has begun his working life as a cook, his software means he could be adapted to undertake any "dull, dirty, or dangerous task".
Sounds like a great development for fast-food outlet owners. But an extremely worrying one for Dave Jr's career prospects…
Blessing in disguise
Anyone who remembers with bizarre fondness receiving an e-card for their birthday during the few months of the late 90s when this was remotely acceptable behaviour will be delighted to hear that the long-forgotten practice has been given a sanctified new twist.
King David's Tomb in Jerusalem was recently fitted with new WiFi, courtesy of vendors Ruckus and Purple, and reseller Boot Net Ltd. Visitors to the burial place of the former king of Israel - and reported site of Jesus' last supper - can provide their details to get online, after which they will be provided with a "real-time e-blessing".
"When I set up the company I never dreamed that we would be distributing e-blessings within the tomb of David," said Purple CEO Gavin Wheeldon.
I bet if, during his 40-year reign and numerous famous military conquests, King David had been told about this future development he'd have been pretty surprised too.
Businesses also admit to holding data without permission of subjects
Zedsphere says end-point security vendor's offerings will be a 'key' feature of its wider portfolio
New acquisition will bring UK cloud service provider's global headcount to over 700
Law firm claims that Oracle lied to investors over what is driving its cloud revenue growth and boosted sales through 'threats and extortive tactics'