Channel talk

Good old Big Blue IBM, always one to provide speedy delivery of the best service, was very anxious last week to get a picture to Guy Matthews, editor of PC Delia's sister publication, Var World. IBM couriered a 2in square slide to Guy from New York in record time and Guy was very excited to receive a 2ft square box. He was disappointed when he removed the umpteen layers of packaging to find the slide, but really unimpressed when he saw the picture: IBM UK had already couriered the slide to him the previous day.

Channel Talk has a curse product demos fail whenever Channel Talk is in the room. Despite explaining this last week to Phonelink's marketing strategy director, Chris Knowles, he insisted on getting a notebook and mobile phone out to show off his new product. Predictably, the phone could not connect and four attempts later, Knowles gave up, as the curse worked its wonders again. If you want this curse to be used on your competitors' product demos at shows, Channel Talk is available, complete with magic wand and cauldron, for a small fee, of course.

Softbank Comdex director Sue Lonergan tried to phone Channel Talk last week for a chat and got more than she bargained for. She used the correct code, 0171 316, but added Channel Talk's extension number, 2509, rather than the direct dial number, 9509. Although she was only one digit out, Sue got through to a husky man's voice, welcoming her to something called Mantalk. 'Mantalk is a rapid access interactive dating service for gay men over the age of 18,' he purred. 'Press one for young guys going for it, two for rough treat action, three for specialist action or four for the fantasy menu.' Sue opted for five - replace the handset, calm down a bit and phone the correct number. She did, and a husky voice welcomed her to something called Channel Talk.

Channel Talk has a tip for anyone who is invited for an evening out with Ingram Micro - expect to spend a lot. The Apple division team went to the casino recently with some money to blow on wild gambling, but they all arrived with just u10 to spend.

But don't blame Ingram. The evening and the stake money were sponsored by Agfa.

Comdex exhibitors can't stop grumbling about the money they frittered away on stands or freebie calculators and pens at the show. Even those who thought to spend their marketing budget more carefully, like one printer vendor did - on Gold Spot and chewing gum - were complaining. But PC Dealer is not so sure he wasted his money, at least for someone the event left a pleasant taste in the mouth.

The first day of the Comdex UK show in London the other week did not see hordes of dealers charging down to Earls Court. In fact two software vendors, who had forked out to exhibit, were so distraught that they passed the day trying to sell software to each other.