Vendors from Mars and VARs from Venus

Relationships are a two-way street, and sometimes there are misunderstandings, says James Cox

We asked some vendor and reseller sales and marketing teams recently for their interpretations of various industry buzzwords. So if you work in marketing or sales on the vendor or reseller side, here's our lighthearted take on what that other lot is really saying.

One Professor IM Waffling, BS, of International Big Vendor, Inc, explained what vendor marketing language actually means.

"We're adopting a social media-driven strategy."
What he actually means: "I spent all morning on Facebook."

"I just need to check your ad aligns with our core values."
What he actually means: "Have you remembered to include the photo of the server?"

"Marketing is all about the long game."
What he actually means: "Sorry, no decent leads again this month either."

"I'm a big believer in permission marketing."
What he actually means: "We had 249 spamming complaints last month."

But these gems don't just come from vendors. Wendy Deelis-Dunn, sales director at Relentless Reseller Ltd, laid bare the secret world of the reseller sales team.

I'm sure we've all heard at least one of these phrases at some time or other.

"He's nearly ready to sign."
What she actually means: "I want to play more golf with him."

"We need to sell the sizzle, not the steak."
What she actually means: "Sh*t, the vendor's product development isn't on track."

"You need to create fear, uncertainty and doubt in your prospect."
What she actually means: "I'm still under a restraining order from that IT manager after an incident."

Finally, Channelle Marquetiere contributed her viewpoint, based on many years' work in the terrifically complex world of partner marketing.

"We'd like to see measurable RoI."
What she actually means: "We're not paying for another all-night drinking party."

"We're increasingly relying on word-of-mouth marketing."
What she actually means: "We've spent all our co-marketing budget this quarter."

"We've got a perfect light-touch marketing campaign."
What she actually means: "We want to spam everyone in your database with our latest product update."

OK, joking aside - although this trip around buzzword bingo was just too tempting, we also know that keeping sales-ready opportunities up is a serious business.

That's one very good reason to work at your vendor-partner relationships and ensure that your marketing results can be measured.

What are the best Mars versus Venus phrases you've heard from your vendor?

James Cox is founder and managing director of Tracepoint